The MASK

Like the soup on the stovetop after a couple of mins, the build up has been bubbling for days. People dropping by to mention that event on your social calendar.

Talkin'. "What are you wearing?"

Whisperin'. "Is she going to go through with the dare?"

Referencin'. " What was it like last year?"

Despite all the talk, the date was set and there was no stopping it. 2 slash 7 in the year 05. Your probably thinking "what, what? what's he talking about?".

Well its the day when your jaw drops faster than the Bobcats draftpick - when some random hot female walks past you and everyone starts talking to her like they know her. You stare & suddenly it registers - "WOAH! that's Atitude chick from work and that's what she looks like when she scrubs up?". It's the same evening/morning when you can be found with your mask on at Chinatown at fo' in the morning eating Sang Choi Bow.

Once a year, the firm that pays me the cheddar throws an annual work bash. This ain't like no random Christmas party. Or some "he got promoted" drinks. It's a when the major playa's at work crack open the chequebooks like their Nike Execs signing Tiger Woods and wanna celebrate in style type party. You always hear about these corporate parties and until you go to one you realise "my gosh - that was awesome and I only paid Fiddy".

Picture it. A Masquerade Ball where your supposed to wear a mask. Except you turn up in your $3 Optimus Prime number which you picked up from Toys R Us. Ladies in evening gowns showing off their fine assets. Hair done up at the 'dressers in the afternoon, which musta cost a fortune. Expensive perfume wafers through the air. Men in tuxes and Phantom of the Opera masks exchange power handshakes. Their be some serious networking going on - on a work and most definently on a social level. Waiters scurrying around like mice with an endless supply of Savigon Blanc and Merlot wine.

The doors crack open and the crowds enter. It's dark inside - red spotlights shine from everywhere like you're caught in a red light district. The ball room is huge - bringing back memories of your school/uni formal but on a much grander and expensive scale. Your entering some kind of twisted Carnivale par-tay. Two huge white masks the size of bedroom door grace the front stage - looking very freaky bathed in the red glow.

Two 11 foot tall females clad in gold costumes are strutting it on the dancefloor with legs that stretch longer than the Nile, until you realise that no there not basketball players but ladies on stilts. And there are other actors in the scene. Jugglers walking the room tossing pins. A real live man trussed up like a maneqin in a straight jacket in a curtain draped booth. And three weird white powered faced men dressed like they stepped out of Dr Who's time machine after a visit to the 1800's.

Tables stretch as far as the eye can see. Candlebras, rose petals can be found at the centre of each one, creating an intimate atmosphere. Waiters continue to work the floor replenshing the demands of the thirsty patrons. Everyone is here - even those than don't leave their desk at 9pm on a Friday night.

On a heavily subsidised night, heads - not randoms but Accountants - were throwing up figures like $220 per head, we enjoyed ourselves silly. Seeing everyone away from their desk in a relaxed environment was refreshing and we got down to partying the nite away.

I missed the start of it but some Opera Singers got on stage and sang a mix of Italian music. It was amazing - they laced all the famous songs from the Three Tenors and everyone was on their feet. Later on, we got DOWN. A cover band started playing hits from Black Eyed Peas to Robbie Williams to other top 40 stuff. The DJ came on and hit the spot with Fiddy's "In Da Club", Destiny Child and then amazingly put on "Jump" by Kriss Kross. The place went off from the Senior Partners showing the Young 'uns how to get their groove on, the females showing some girl on girl action, to the Boys doing our Robot popping and locking.

My head was spinning and I was feeling pretty wrecked - I guess that's what happens when their's all you can drink alcohol at these functions. And the staff don't ever stop serving it and you order a six pack for your table or countless top ups of red/white wine.

Just to let you know, the Optimus Prime mask was a hit. I made this deal with some dudes at work. We turned up in our superhero styled faces - we had Shrek, Darth Vader, Superman and yours truly the Autobot leader.

There was an afterparty, but we couldn't be stuffed after drinking a ton of alcohol and dancing the night away to go Cargo bar for the afterparty. Instead, we made like cultured folk and headed to Golden Century at 2am in the morning.

1 love.

DJ HO.